Many years ago, our fair capp’n did his business in a castle rather than a galleon. He was assisted by the artiste formerly known as ‘Lard’ as well as other ‘special’ guests.
One of the more special guests was the legendary Fat Harry. Harry had a way with words.
My special Layee-friend, the sexy Fi-ona called me on the phone yesterday, and asked me for some help.
The wall alongside the alley next to her house had collapsed, and with all the rain, mud was leaking on to the path and people were falling over and getting hurt- I had to do something fast.
I got on my old bi-cycle and I made as much haste as I could to the scene. When I got there it was worse than I thought- the railing where I chain my bike had gone- washed away in the flood, and it was nearly chucking out time at the bingo. Any minute the alley was going to be full of slipping biddy’s on an innocent shortcut home.
There was only one thing to do. I got off my bike, and crammed it into Fi-ona’s oozing back passage. I pushed it in and out a few times as the slime flowed from her wall- then suddenly the pensioners were on their way– I started shoving really fast, trying to get to the end, but it was no good- suddenly everything went stiff, and with a last little squirt of goo my bike was left stuck in the mud- but at least I’d blocked things up for a while- no pensioners would slide to their death tonight.
Fi-onas back passage would wait until the rain stopped- my job was done-
If you see what I mean. The only place for Fat Harry’s Bulging Christmas Sack is our facebook page– Av a look me hearties— Merry Consumertide ye lubbers.